New age hobo tactics
From the time of the first beggars, there have been a series of tactics employed by us in the homeless community to sequester funds from the public. We have tried the jingly tin can to catch their attention. Some of us have been so tasteless and gone as far as just falling asleep by a sign that says “homeless, need money” well yeah dude, you didn’t need the sign! On the other hand, some of us have gone on to adopt an act we haven’t a talent for. Such as bagpipes outside by the public library book drop off, or a riveting performance of freebird on a 2 string guitar outside of the 7/11. Not much of a performance, but more likely akin to jumpscaring civilians.
I have been street bound for the better part of two decades, so my credibility in the field is unmatched. I’ve had turf wars over street corners and road mediums to set up my cardboard signs against the most cunning types. The guy selling roses, the lady with her child, the war veteran, even the man with a puppy in a shopping cart. I have done my due diligence in outperforming all of them and have found the best way to acquire funds. In order to win the modern day public pedestrians wallet, you must first confuse them. Give THEM money.
As they’re walking by, give them 10$ and say god bless. Look sincerely worried for their well being also, may I suggest an up and down look of disgust.
It works everytime. Often times, I’ll receive extra funds in return on TOP of what I’ve given them. Make sure to look as disheveled as you can possibly muster up. Give them a sense of inferiority, let them know that, “yes, I haven’t showered in three days, however, you are much more in need of this money than I am. They will react very quickly to such a strong yet subtle slight. So quickly, that their best rebuttal can only be one thing, insulting you back! With More money!!
“Take your filthy ten back you hobo!! Matter fact, here’s 10 more! YOU are the one who needs it most, not I!!” Ya see, my fellow hobomates , the pedestrian home owners are a very insecure breed of individuals. They are always on the go, always looking to collect more items to boost their social status or elevate their sense of self worth. This leads us to believe that their sense of self worth is indeed fragile and they will indeed pay to protect it. So next time you see a beautiful pedestrian, give them money and cast a look of pity their way. Before you know it, you’ll be on your way to a fat wallet!