1500 B.C. Hittite dating forum
It is with great dismay and loneliness that I write to the few people who read half of this blogs posts sometimes. My name is Xandros, I haven't a surname for I haven't an occupation. It is the year 1506 B.C. and dear Tarhunt forgive me for my crude nature of speech, but my loins continue to burn with the passion and longing for a woman's touch. I am so desperate I would even go as far as to cast aside my disdain of the Egyptian people if I could be so accompanied by a female of theirs in my tent quarters. Ya see, the Hittite dating pool is few and far between in regard to maiden. Especially maiden who are willing to lay with a man of no occupation. Why must maiden always seek a man who is of working status?? I for one do not need working status, for that is the reason unto why I can commit my whole heart and life to her. Come! Lay with me, Xandros the jobless, if ye haveth any morsel of respect for thyself! For I haveth the countless hours of my day, not surrendered unto earning a living wage but surrendered unto you, my fairest maiden for who I will share my tent with.
-signed, Xandros the devoted
Reply section to Xandros' post.
FineAssMaiden223: Xandros... What the fuck. This is the exact problem with Hittite men! The ones with occupation haveth no time for a fine ass maiden and the ones with no life's purpose or calling claim utmost devotion where what they can only offer is utmost desperation! Men such as you bring my loins to conditions dryer than that of the Basin of the Tigris River basin. Maybe men like you are not deserving of a woman and in fact, deserve the guidance of a real man in your lives, maybe instead of a wife thou ought to be in search of a father! Just two days ago I went on a "date" to the lower eastern site of the Zagros Mountain region with a man named Perius the jobless. Seems your surnames consist not of an occupation but a lackthereof. Anyways, we dined and exchanged mediocre dialogue. I use the phrase "WE dined" very loosely. He sequestered 7 portions from our place of eating while I worked through my 1 then he swiftly and promptly got up and told me to meet him one kilometer east when I had finished my portion. "Have you no shekels to afford this meal?! "I exclaimed. "no!" he exclaimed, as he brought great distance between us. Then I, a woman with no job or means of payment, had to exchange labor services for the next two sun cycles. After my surprise shift, I furiously proceeded towards the point he had told me to meet him at in order to give him a piece of my mind. Only to find a series of tents strewn about on the base of the Zagros mountain range. And there I spotted my well-fed assailant, and I undid his tent stakes, each and every one of them while he was inside too. It is awfully easy to make someone's home collapse upon them when it is made only of canvas and ropes. He then proceeded to roll about in the mass of fabric that had come down upon him, all while screaming at his enemy that he could not see, "Unhand me, you bastard!" His seven portions of the prior day slowed him down immensely, as he continued to... how should I say... flail about purposelessly in a ball of limbs, tent, and rope. I don't think he could manage to turn over with his large belly, full from the meal I worked off. Finally, after much effort.... while I stood idly by, watching... he managed to poke an eyeball out and see that it was me who made his world collapse. "You!!.... Uh.... so do you still wanna maybe...... uh I can have this tent back up in a jiffy!" I looked down upon him as I towered over his pitiful self. With that, I struck some flint and set his little tent ball ablaze and thus...... I have deemed Perius the jobless, Perius the Fireman. You're welcome. Hmu if you would like me to assign you an occupation.
ThorphinTheSewerCleaner: don't take her up on it brethren.